Top 10 TV Quotes Header

1.   Lilly: Thanks for explaining that.  I get so confused!

Barney: That’s because you’re a woman!

*Both laugh*

Lilly: I don’t even know why we’re laughing!

Barney: Of course you don’t!

–How I Met Your Mother

2.  FOX News Reports woman calling to report drunk driver:

“Somebody’s really drunk driving down Granton Road,” said a woman to 911 dispatcher.

Trying to determine the location of the reported drunk driver, the dispatcher asked the woman: “Okay are you behind them, or…”

“No, I am them,” said the woman.

(courtesy of

3.  Jack (Alec Baldwin): “That’s what I’m talking about: human empathy.  It’s as useless as the Winter Olympics…this February on NBC.”

30 Rock

4.   Pam: Why did I get in the car?  I could have struggled.  I have a whistle in my purse; I didn’t even blow it.

–The Office

5.  Meredith: Hey everybody, he’s not in the men’s room, but the seat was warm so we might have just missed him.

The Office

6.   Mike: Honey, let her have her lies. Let her plot. You got nothing to worry about. You mean everything to me and Katherine means nothing.

Susan: Well, that’s sweet. I’m gonna go tell her you said that.

Desperate Housewives

7.  Jeff: The next person that offers me pity will be mentioned by name in my suicide note


8.  Rachel [on Defying Gravity]: It’s my go-to shower song. It’s also my ring tone.


9. Silver: Can we talk about something not cancer related?

Teddy: I’m using a new hair product. What do you think?


10. Naomi: Why weren’t you at school today?

Adrianna: Because I’m a terrible person.