OPINION: My tale of trees and skis

By Alyssa Duetsch, online managing editor

Leaving your fly undone. Having broccoli in your teeth. Running up to hug someone who is, in fact, not your relative. Having someone look through your search history. Pulling up old pictures from your facebook. Remembering your junior high crush. Remembering anything about junior high. Having a tampon fall out of your backpack. Getting rejected in front of a crowd. Walking into the wrong class on the first day of the semester. Falling down the stairs. Tripping over nothing. Having your parents walk in on your first kiss. Making a joke and no one laughs.

Falling off a cliff and getting stuck in a tree.

Yeah. That last one was mine. We all have embarrassing moments throughout our lives that will forever be engrained in our brain and my most prominent one took place while skiing. Although many of those most embarrassing moments are forced into the back of our mind, I am going to openly share my most humiliating moment with you.

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BLACK DIAMOND: This is one course from the ski resort we went too. Unfortunately I do not have a picture of the double black diamond where I got stuck in a tree.

It was sixth grade, the first year of the dreaded junior high. I was at St. Raymond School, and every year a few parents organized a day for families to go skiing. My friends were going, and because in junior high I did whatever my friends did, I just HAD to go skiing. I have not been skiing since. 

I don’t remember all of this day clearly, but I’ll do my best retelling this humiliating tale. I started out in mini ski lessons on the bunny hill. After I felt like the most confident 12-year-old on that three foot tall hill, it was time for the big guns: the chair lift. My ski did not fall off while on the lift, although that would make my story way better. I went up and down that hill many times with great ease (apparently my sixth grade ego was rather large because, according to my dad, I ran into a fence and got stuck in it on that hill, but I don’t recall this tragic moment).

After I mastered the “easy” hills and had plenty of hot chocolate, I decided to take on a double black diamond. Peer pressure ruled ALL at that time. Or just sheer adolescent brain. Or maybe it was hormones. Whatever the reason, I, Alyssa Duetsch, took on a double black diamond my first time skiing. Alone. The reason was definitely just stupidity looking back now.

Let me paint you a picture. The path of the course  was very steep then curved sharply and went on to a very hilly section of snow. I never quite made it to those little hills.

I would like to believe I was pushed at this moment but in fact I was not. I just went. And went. And did not turn as the course did. I went. Right off the edge of the course and into the tree that just happened to be in the perfect spot for me to crash into. My skis were stuck in branches; my puffy pink jacket was scraped up. But the most hurt thing in this situation was my pride. I was humiliated.

But my story does not end there. Getting out was fine. A nice gentleman and his son helped me escape the dreadful catch of the tree. It was not until I heard my friend skiing down the hill yelling to people of what had just happened to me. It was then that I knew I would be the laughing stock of my sixth grade class. But no, it does not stop there. As I was successfully climbing out of the tree and brushing off spare twigs, I saw a stretcher being pulled up the hill like a sled. Oh yes. They brought me a stretcher. And no, I did not use it.

So there is my embarrassing tale. It took me about 2 years to finally laugh at it with only a few tears and now I am openly sharing my story in the hope of inspiring others.

That was the worst of my embarrassing moments but I assure you there are many more. For instance, I have been a victim to the dreaded incident of calling your teacher mom. I also once accidentally called my friend’s mom and had an entire conversation with her as if she was my own mother. Sorry Mrs. Wiertel, I do not need you to help me with my grammar homework.

Mrs. Wiertel was not the only adult to be involved in my most embarrassing moments; my own father’s actions were prime examples of my humiliating moments.

The first time I had a boy at my house (junior high once again) my dad casually laid his machete out on the kitchen table. Then in high school when my boyfriend came to drop me off at my house, my dad nonchalantly laid a bat right by our side door. Another instance in high school I had my friend, who was a guy, over to study and my dad put nunchucks over a door handle in our basement. This was after my mom insisted that he put the bebe gun away. Although weapons were my dad’s favorite item to use to embarrass me, he did not just stop there.

It was Halloween and it was unfortunately on a school night when I had a lot of homework, so I was not going out. My boyfriend and I were going to do homework and carve pumpkins at my house to get in the spirit. When I came home from school that afternoon, I looked at the front of my house and something was not quite right. My attention was drawn to a large mass above our front window. It was shaped like a human.

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MASKED: This is how my dad showed up to pick me up from school.

My dad had filled and shaped clothes to look like a dead human and had pinned it to the front of our house. Then he proceeded to tell our trick or treaters that it was for the purpose of scaring my boyfriend.

Oh, and did I mention, when he picked us up that day he was wearing all camo and a green mask? I’m surprised Prospect didn’t have a lock down.

These were some of the most humiliating moments of my life. After crashing into that tree, I truly thought I was never going to be able to show my face at school again. After the first time my dad casually laid out a weapon, I thought I was never going to be able to have a guy over again. Now I am telling these stories and laughing at them.

During the moment, situations like these seem like something that will be impossible to get over. They may even seem like the end of your world (or social life). I know I have felt that way. I just have to tell myself that a little while from that moment, it’ll turn out to be a great story.
Whether or not your embarrassing moments are like mine, or anything at all, I hope you share them with people and have a good laugh about them.