April19, 2010

I would like to officially welcome you all to the last week of the Prospector staff’s systematic step-by-step approach to driving me towards insanity.

This week I am giving up one of my hugest vices; as a great deal of my friends know, I have always wanted to go vegetarian.  After all, meat is murder.

Scrumptious, delicious murder that it just so happens I rely on to survive.

So when deciding what I was going to eat for dinner tonight, I sort of hit a wall.  First of all, I can’t cook.  And if you add the restriction of “nothing that has a face” to that, I was sort of clueless.  So I fell back on an old classic, Spiderman Mac & Cheese (yes, the shapes do in fact taste better and do not try to convince me otherwise).

And naturally, when my family heard of my ill-advised plan, they dedicated themselves to eating hearty portions of murder-on-a-plate for the rest of the week.  They are all so kind and empathetic like that.

However, I have hopes for this week.  Maybe if I can make it this far, I won’t miss consuming furry little woodland creatures, in particular those who like to sing and scrub the floors while I get ready for the prince’s ball (Cinderella reference?  Anyone?).

The more likely option: I end up getting sick from some weird protein deficiency.

Either way, it sounds like a party.

April 20, 2010

I woke up today pretty happy.  After all, I neither dropped dead due to lack of meat, nor went crazy with hunger and attacked a helpless civilian who just happened to walk past me with a roast beef sandwich.  So far, I have found the desire to eat meat completely controllable (no vampire jokes, please).

And as I walked through the cafeteria to select my lunch, I found that it was pretty easy to be around meat and not succumb.  Whether that was due to my strong will or simply the type of meat they serve in the cafeteria, no one really knows.

And when I got home to pursue my daily routine of snacking and not doing homework, I was delighted to find that I didn’t have to miss out on any after-school calories!  Seeing as I’m not really a beef jerky type of person, all of my snack foods are just peachy (figuratively speaking).

And my family, gems that they are, decided to have hamburgers today, and loudly comment that it was “too bad” that I had gone and become a hippy on them and couldn’t have one.  Completely ignoring the lack of political correctness in that statement, I would simply like to reply that is not very nice.

April 21, 2010

After spending two nights with my main food group consisting of cheese, I decided that it was time to consult a pro.  Clearly, I was in over my head.

“Denis,” I whined, poking my vegetarian friend Denis on the shoulder.  “What do I eaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”

“Hummus.”

I did not expect that direct of an answer.  I was puzzled, flustered—flimflammed.

“I’ve never tried hummus.”

“Now is the time,” he said.

I am ashamed to say that I didn’t really know what hummus was.  But, like any other scholar, I looked it up on Wikipedia and found out that it was mostly made of chickpeas and olive oil.

You know, I’m starting to think that going veggie may not be for me.  I mean, you have to eat all of these vegetables all the time.  Who does that?

However, I definitely don’t mind all of the extra fruits I’m eating.  Especially pineapple pizza (which I think counts as two fruits because the sauce has tomatoes in it).

April 22, 2010

It’s kind of disappointing, but this hasn’t really been that big of a change for me.  Honestly, I don’t really eat meat that much—not because I don’t like it, but because I am usually to lazy to cook it.

Today was different.

On Thursday’s I go out to dinner with my father, stepmother, sister, brother-in-law, etc. for family bonding time.  Usually we go someplace pretty low profile (Olive Garden for the third time this month?  Well, at least they have the breadsticks) but today we were picking up my sister’s iPad from Abt (I know, pretty snazzy), and decided to go to an adjacent café, Jolene’s café.  And this, my friends, was no Olive Garden.

Everything looked very classy.  Everything was very expensive.  And basically nothing was meat-free.

And so I ordered a salad.  Without the meat.  It was huge, but that wasn’t the point.  I love salads, but more as a side order.  I just really don’t see a bunch of leafy greens as a meal (ironically, I consider the obviously more fulfilling Spiderman mac and cheese as not only an acceptable dinner, but a preferable option).

I’m starting to realize that it’s not just about the taste with the meat.  I kind of feel weird not eating it.

But I suppose this is how the meat industry wants me to feel, isn’t it?

April 23, 2010

Another routine day in Prospect’s cafeteria.  I’ve found the whole no-meat thing to be less of a sacrifice here, as a PHS meal’s lack of meat is usually a good indicator that it’s actually edible.

That doesn’t count as slander, does it?  Or is it libel?  Eh, details.

Mr. Block, I’m sorry for the shame I’ve brought upon the Prospector staff.

I guess my family has sort of given up on trying to taunt me, because at the airport today I got a vegetarian pita and no one really said anything.  It’s an improvement on the last time I tried to go veggie (yes, there have been multiple attempts) as I received a tag-team lecture on the evils of non-meat-eating.  I’m going to make the assumption that it was mostly satirical.

I guess everything else about vegetarianism lines up for me.  I really support not hurting animals, I honestly don’t mind not eating meat that much for taste.  It’s just that I’m pretty sure I’m not creative enough to be a vegetarian.  After grilled cheese and alphabet soup, I’ve pretty much exhausted all other ideas for sustenance.

So the question remains: do I give up, or call in some reinforcements?

April 24, 2010

I suck.  I suck, I suck, I suck.

Little baby pigs and little baby cows and little baby chickens HATE me, because I probably just consumed their mother.

Where, I ask you, is my will power?

The sad thing is, I didn’t even crumble and give in.  But I had to attend a family dinner, and my meal was already ordered for me—steak.  I could’ve explained to my family, or hid it in my napkin, or just given it to one of my relatives before my grandparents noticed.  But I felt obligated, and I obliged.

I figure hope is lost now—I already caved, so what’s the point in trying to start up again?

But for all of you would-be vegetarians, learn from my mistakes.  Make sure that you are the one who makes the decisions about what you eat, and don’t let others influence that decision.

In other words don’t be a wimp.  Like me.

Note from Beth:

Hello, chums!  My name’s Beth Rowe, and you probably already know that I write Beth Lives Without.  As some of you don’t know, the last issue of the Prospector marks my last issue ever.  As a senior I will be graduating (hopefully) and going to Marquette next year.  I hope you all enjoyed my take on giving up some of the little things in life, and I encourage you to do the same.  You might learn a tiny little thing about who you are.  Either that, or you’ll be ticked off all week and it will be amusing for your friends.  As of now, I don’t know who (if anyone) is taking over BLW.  But I hope that the Prospector continues in its noble quest to torment its editors by living without all the things in life that normal people require to function.

Sincerely,

Beth Rowe