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The Student News Site of Prospect High School


The Student News Site of Prospect High School


A girl's guide to break ups

By Maddy Moloney

Associate Editor-In-Chief|

|You know what sucks? Breaking up. know what sucks even more? Getting dumped. But being the optimist that I am, when I got dumped (on the LAST DAY OF SUMMER) instead of moping around I milked it to the fullest extent.

Now you may be wondering how the heck you can milk a break up, but luckily for you I put together this handy little guild, to help you get on with your life and to make the most of a shitty situation.


Step 1. Spend money. No kidding it really helps.  After I got dumped I was at woodfield within 2 hours. Shopping takes focus, so make sure to  turn your cellphone off and get distracted by Forever 21.

Sure, I spent a little too much money (try $300 too much) but now rather than having a boyfriend I have a new pair of steve madden cheetah print flats. Which in retrospect foot x-rays cost a lot less than open heart surgery.

I know shopping sprees  sounds like it costs a lot of money but if you’re smart you’ll start saving now. Think about it, if you start saving up once you start going out, by the time you break up, the amount you saved will be equal to the amount you need to spend to forget his sorry butt.

Ex. $30 a month and you date for four months equals a $120 shopping spree, but for a longer relationship let’s say 18 months you get $540 to spend. Besides is your boyfriend even worth $540? I see it is as break up insurance.

So this way once you get dumped you can head straight to the mall, money in hand to go shop away your problems.


Step 2.  Pick the right playlist to Jam out to; its important in your time of getting dumped to listen to the correct music. If you listen to love songs you’re just going to wallow away thinking about the good times which will only set you back in getting over him. But if you listen to only anti-men hate induced rage music, you will probably just turn into that.

So here is my break-up playlist:

We are never ever getting back together– Taylor Swift

Survivor– Destiny’s Child

Fuck You– Cee Lo Green

Smile– Lilly Allen

Irreplaceable– Beyonce

King of Anything– Sara Bareilles

Raining Men– Rihanna and Nikki Minaj

Roses– Outkast

Sucks To Be You Clinton Sparks

Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson

So What?– P!nk

Take It – Adele

Step 3. Create an Ex-Boyfriend Island. Hear me out on this one. Picture your ex-boyfriend… Now picture him on a secluded island all alone with only a volleyball named wilson as a friend. See what I mean?!?! How much would that suck. You can even take it a step further by pretending that terrifying hunter from Jumanji is hunting him. Feeling any better yet?
Step 4. Be optimistic. Maybe your boyfriend sometimes had REALLY bad breath, on brightside now you don’t have to smell his smelly halitosis anymore. Or maybe he just had a weird foot fetish that made you feel uncomfortable that now you don’t have to deal with.Theres always a silver lining and once you find it the healing process will go ten times faster. Or at least you can be thankful you weren’t broken up because  any of these reasons.
Step 5. Get a manicure and cupcake. No seriously Queen Nails is practically across the street from Evol Cupcake’s. Take advantage of Downtown Arlington’s wonderful layout and get yourself a dang cupcake to match your pink mani-pedi. Cupcakes are $2.35 and The Mani- Pedi averages out to be around $35.

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