Wacky news

By Brian Park
Executive In-Depth Editor|
Story: The US company J&D’s has come out with a brand new product– Bacon Shaving Cream.
With the motto, “Everything should taste like bacon,” the company has made products like bacon roses, bacon lip balm, bacon baby formula, and even a bacon coffin for those “who love bacon to death.”
“There is nothing more powerful than the smell of bacon, nothing,”  Inventor Justin Esch said. “Bacon is the smell of champions.”
This “high end, luxurious bacon-scented shaving cream” is currently selling at $14.99 at store.baconsalt.com and according to the website, it already sold out its first batch.
“Bacon is delicious, people get excited when they smell it,” Esch said. “When you walk into a room don’t you want people to be excited to see you?”
My take: First of all, please read the complete description; it’s hilarious and overdramatized. With that said, I have got to give credit the person who took the time to come up with “ We image that this is what Vikings would have used this to mow down their impenetrable forest of man-beard,” and “It is best used after a hot shower or before an important date with someone you may want to spend the rest of your life with.”
Why the craze for bacon? Honestly, I don’t think anyone will be admired, loved, or eaten by bears by shaving with this, and I from my perspective, it’s not the smell of victory either. (If you haven’t read the description by this point, READ IT!)
But, let’s just say, one day a student comes to school after freshly shaving with Bacon Shaving Cream early in the morning. The “rich moisturizers and essential oils” in the cream will definitely keep his face itch-free, but the “advanced heat-activated aromatic technology lasts for hours and delivers maximum bacon scent when you need it most”, so he’ll be brimming with confidence for the rest of the day smelling like the scent of victory. (I’m getting most of this from the description, by the way)
I assume at Prospect, especially in the hallways and classrooms, people will be wondering where the smell of bacon is coming from and will be sniffing like a dog tracking a fresh scent.
And when they finally track down the source and ask him for some bacon, the student will be able to proudly stand up and announce, “I shaved with Bacon Shaving Cream today!” in front of the class.
My imagination runs out at that point, but I would think other students will ask him where he got the cream from, and it could start a new trend at Prospect because I haven’t been seeing one lately.
So I congratulate the “bacontrepreneur” who developed this cream; he truly has a burning passion for crispy meat products. I know the cream might be awkward to put on every day, but who doesn’t like the smell of bacon? Wait, vegetarians wouldn’t, but I’m getting beside the point. Even I would try it, but unfortunately I haven’t grown a beard yet.
Looking at the overall picture, however, the world is in need of more creative inventors who aren’t afraid of taking a chance and doing what they love like Esch. Or else, there wouldn’t be any bacon coffins for people to be buried in when they die, and that would be very bad.
So if any inventors have the idea of making something crazy like buttered popcorn-scented deodorant to mask the smell in the boy’s locker room at some point in the near future, don’t be afraid of criticism because I will support them all the way.