Surviving the Super Bowl for non-football fans

alyssa super bowl pictureBy Alyssa Duetsch
Staff Writer

“So who do you want to win the Super Bowl?”

Time out.

You don’t even know who’s playing.

The dreaded question has finally found its way to you. You throw the question back at them and agree with their answer as if you knew the whole time.

If this is something you can relate to, don’t try to hide it. It’s not worth it. You can try as hard as you want to become interested in the game, but at the end of the day, the only thing you’re focused on is the football sized knot of chips in your stomach.

Yes, a majority of peoples’ jaws drop when I reveal to them that I don’t care about the Super Bowl, but I secretly know that some of them do not care themselves. There are plenty of girls that take advantage of Super Bowl time to impress that special guy in their life by trying to talk as if they actually know something about football. And of course there are many girls who actually do care! But come on, the guys can see right through those of you who don’t. And boys, it is not a sin to not like sports.

I’ve learned to be honest with myself and others; I just do not care that much. Sure, the Super Bowl is practically a national holiday now, but if I had the TV to myself that day, I’d rather watch an episode of “Friends.”

No doubt it is a fun day to be with family and/or friends, but staring and yelling at a TV screen for four hours while watching guys throw an oddly shaped ball is hardly quality family time.

However, since this American phenomenon has been a part of history since Jan. 15, 1967, those of us who do not love the game have zeroed in on what really matters.

I mean, come on, it’s no secret that the commercials are the best part. This year, International Business Times said that 111.5 million people watched the big game, but did they all really watch it for the game?

Most sports fans refill their drinks, get more salsa or do their business on commercials, but not us. We glue our eyes to the screen when the commercials come on.

I could not tell you the name of the Seahawks quarterback, but I can tell you that GoDaddy did not live up to its usual reputation this year, or that Budweiser made people fall in love with the relationship between a puppy and a horse.

The only time I do not mind when the commercials stop is when the famous Super Bowl halftime show starts. Time Entertainment said that 115 million people watched Bruno Mars this year. That is what I’m talking about! People are starting to get their priorities straight.

The rest of the people I spend the day with yell at the players on the screen. They can’t hear you. I can not say it enough. I, on the other hand, sit quietly during the game until it is my time to belt out the songs being performed at halftime.

I personally love Super Bowl Sunday, and not just for the commercials and half time. The parties with family or friends are what the Super Bowl is all about.

However, us non-Super Bowl fans can run into some problems here. I know we are not hiding the fact that we don’t really care who wins,, but here’s a tip: be subtle about it. You don’t want to be that person who yells, ‘Who’s winning? The white ones or the orange ones?.’ Trust me, I have been there and you will never live it down.

Over the years, I have somewhat come to learn the terminology that accompanies football. I can say with confidence that they score touchdowns and not baskets. Also, when whatever team you were told to cheer for scores one of those touchdowns, feel free to cheer, but only if others are cheering. Don’t be that goof screaming his/her head off when the wrong team scores. Once again, guilty as charged.

To be 100 percent safe, make acquaintances with the bowl you know best; the bowl with chips and guac. Your stomach may hate you by the end of the fourth quarter, but that’s how you know you successfully accomplished Super Bowl Sunday.