What do Mozart and Frank Ocean have in common? They’re both musicians, sure, undoubtedly some of the greatest geniuses in their fields, but beyond that.
Well, you see, Mozart has this little, itty bitty problem that was stopping him from dropping music for the past… oh, 200 years or so?
He’s dead.
But is that really an excuse? It’s pretty inconsiderate to not release music for millions to listen to just because one person feels like kicking the bucket in the 1700’s. I mean, what if he regretted that decision? He has had 200 years to reconsider it, after all.
And that he did! Well, kind of. A new Mozart piece titled “Ganz kleine Nachtmusik” was discovered and performed by graduates of the Johann Sebastian Bach Music School at the Leipzig Opera in Germany.
So where does Frank Ocean fit into this? Did he feature on the song or something? Well, kind of the opposite. I mean, Frank Ocean wasn’t exactly around in the 1700’s, but it sure feels like it’s been 200 years since he’s dropped anything.
If Mozart can drop in the year of our lord 2024, then do other artists really have an excuse? Let’s take a look at some producers that need to take a page from Mozart and drop already, even beyond the realm of music (does this sound like an excuse to complain about GTA VI? Because it totally is).
- I am NOT music / Whole lotta nothing / Long time (since an album) / R.I.P (my discography) / Pull up (with an album) / I could do this all day
Playboy Carti is the greatest artist of all time, without a doubt. I guess he’s not the very best at the stuff that doesn’t matter like… I don’t know, dropping albums or having an intelligible voice. But when it comes to the real important aspects that turns artists into geniuses like beating pregnant women, wearing a thong while performing and getting as many DUIs as you have released albums, he’s got that covered.
Don’t get the wrong impression. I’m not trying to unjustly crap on Carti’s work (I’m not Anthony Fantano, after all), I just think it’s funny to jump from Mozart and Frank Ocean to someone who invented and is fluent in his own language (Cartinese, anyone?)
I mean, there is a reason I want him to drop again – because I love his music! Just sometimes it’s more entertaining to make fun of this erratic cartoon of an artist instead of going in-depth about what makes his music good.
Carti actually recently dropped a single with The Weeknd which was pretty huge, but the album is nowhere in sight.
“But Xander he’s gonna drop the album this month bro trust! There’s been updates and leaks and stuff!”
We’ve been saying this for four years, man. I think Carti’s waiting to get another DUI so his number of albums will stay even with them.
Or thong shopping? Yeah, thong shopping.
- Can Valve count to three?
What comes after 2? See, if you ask an intellectual like me, I would say 3. In fact, I think we’re all intellectuals by saying that 3 comes after 2. It’s pretty complicated stuff, which is why it seems that Valve can’t figure it out.
To Valve, there isn’t anything after 2. An endless abyss. The greatest mystery in the realm of mathematics – what comes after 2?
Because of this, Valve only makes two games per series. I mean, it’s just easier that way. What sounds easier, creating a revolutionary masterclass of a video game that redefines the way entertainment is viewed and storytelling is told, then doing that again in a sequel that somehow redefines the mastery of the original and leaves ample opportunity for expansion, or learning how to count to three?
Yeah, clearly the counting.
Portal, Team Fortress, Counterstrike, Dota, Left 4 Dead; all series which stopped at the second game. But when you think of Valve sequels, you think about the most anticipated video game of all time: Half Life 3.
Half Life is pretty cool, I guess. Y’know, revolutionizing first person shooters with groundbreaking interactivity and a creative story which had never been seen in the genre before, then doing all of that tenfold in the sequel. Cool stuff.
