By Carly Evans

Copy Editor
Men, men, men, men, manly men, men, men. A song that used be sung inunison by Agnus T. Jones, Jon Cryer and, of course, Charlie Sheen to signify the beginning of my favorite part of Mondays is now sung by Agnus T. Jones, Jon Cryer and Ashton Kutcher. Well, technically they didn’t show the new opening song on the premiere, but there is a video of it on youtube. One can only assume that it will be used throughout the season, and the reason why it wasn’t used in the first episode was so the funeral march would be used.
On Sept. 19 “all was revealed” when the season premiere of “Two and a Half Men” aired sans Charlie Sheen. This premiere broke the show’s record with the highest ratings yet of 27.8 million viewers, according to the latimesblogs.com. “Men” even beat the “Dancing With the Stars” premiere, which had 18.6 million viewers.
The thoughts of how Charlie Sheen’s character, Charlie Harper, would be killed off were endless. He was a legendary character, and one could only assume that his death would be as huge as the legacy he left on the show. Well, that’s nottrue. At all. Charlie ran off with his long-time stalker and, ironically, new fiance Rose to Paris, where she caught him cheating, which shouldn’t come as a shock given Charlie’s past. Conveniently enough, the very next day, Charlie “fell” in front of a Metra train and his body “exploded like a balloon full of meat,” according to Rose. Really? That’s how he died? Come on.

Charlie Harper was a man of little morals, if any. His many affairs with an array of women, from housewives to teachers of his nephew, Jake, never could compare to Charlie’s true love — alcohol. So, you would think Charlie would die in a drunken stupor, not some “accident” with a train.
Other than the disappointing death of the ex-star, every part of the premiere was familiarly hilarious. Aside from the many references to male genitalia, the show seemed like the “Two and a Half Men” loved by millions.
The newest addition to the cast is Ashton Kutcher, who plays a love-sick billionaire, Walden Schmidt, who shows up at Charlie’s Malibu beach house, which now belongs to Charlie’s brother, played by Jon Cryer, Alan. Kutcher makes his first appearance the show on the balcony, soaking wet after trying to commit suicide by jumping in the ocean.
The rest of the show has Alan playing a love mentor to Walden, which is a twist considering Alan is, to put it nicely, romantically incapable. Alan gives Walden the confidence to talk to two women the bar. The show ends with the very familar scene of Alan alone while Walden takes the two women upstairs.
Kutcher certainly has a presence on the show, but he has big shoes to fill. I guess his way of appealing to the audience was taking his shirt off. Twice. Thanks, Ashton.